Healing From School

The first week of breaking free from school I was up there riding high on the crest of a metaphorical wave, then boom it hit me..... like a seagull poop in the eye causing you to loose balance and bomb it into the barrel of the wave. Tumbling around and around, churning you and dragging you to the sand before letting you drift back up.......

Sounds dramatic I know, but what we have lived these last 4 years is dramatic and the constant discrimination has been exhausting, depleting and isolating. Rewind to that first week…...Oh, I felt so celebratory as we had just freed ourselves from trying to conform to something that was never created or meant to include us. We had finally moved out of just surviving Monday – Friday, to actually living. We could wake up each day with the hours ahead of us full of possibility. The chance to carve out a future rich in learning, exploration and fun. Where we could connect to ourselves as well as those around us.

Then I felt a small shadow start to creep over. It was the past catching up with me, it was the injustice of everything that has happened and continues to happen to others. Yes we are free, but its at a cost and all that we have experienced is still there and it hurts. For every family who has freed their child from the trauma there are more who can’t (for all kinds of reasons personal and unique to them). 'Every child is entitled to a school education' but I fear there is a comma at this point and what follows is an unspoken reality....... 'every child is entitled to a school education, unless they don't fit the mold. Then they are shoe horned into fitting regardless of the damage this may cause and if they still don't fit then they are viewed more as a problem to fix, eradicate or given up on.' I read about young peoples schooling experience draining their joy, spirit and hope. I read about this resulting in children and teenagers attempting to take their own lives! I hear parents talking about how much their child has changed and that their unique and wonderful light inside is dimming as they spirral into themselves shutting out the world around them. Because they can't confirm, they can't transform into someone else.......and when you realise the world was not built for you, that's soul churning. The ripple widens, rolling into nearly all aspects of family life.... parents loosing jobs as they are not able to get their child consistently to school for a sustained amount of time. Families breaking up, homes being lost, parental mental health suffering......and then comes the courts fining these same parents for their child's non attendance even threatening a jail sentence! No child should become invisible. Yet they do because they don’t fit the categories and molds that have historically been set out. Our schooling system is changing but only in patches. There seems to be two options, two molds offered, 1. SEN School 2. Mainstream, The problem here is that SEN schools are so full many have waiting lists and their criteria of need is not suitable for many Neurodivergent children (I was told by a SEN Head Teacher ‘if your child COULD POSSIBLY attain 1 GCSE this is not for them’). 2. Mainstream schools, just are not inclusive enough for too many reasons to set out here. They have pressures from local authorities and government to perform and make children conform.......not healthy for many (adults included). So maybe we need MORE options, more schools and my vision would be schools that are what schools SHOULD ABSOLUTLY BE....... ♡ caring ♡ calm ♡ fun ♡ creative ♡ embracing and celebrating unique difference in all ways ♡ being fully collaborative with the child and family ♡ listening without hierarchical blocks ♡ unlimited opportunities to learn and achieve

Unfortunately this is a dream because government and councils just don't want to invest in children, in mental health (year on year money is depleted from services) and creating a collaborative society. It's cheaper and easier to divide, categorise and ignore. Many neurodivergent children can successfully attend a mainstream school but often there is a lack of knowledge and understanding about co-occurring neurodivergent profiles and how these can affect one another. With 'professionals' focusing on one profile using outdated and damaging theories, practises and resources children just don’t feel heard, supported or safe. The emphasis on 'control' in schools can really heighten anxiety in so many children both neuro typical and divergent. Their voices, needs and ideas being overruled by what the adults think is what they need…...not truly listening to the child. This is just the tip of the ice berg.....a very tiny peak into this issue, because although it may not affect you personally......actually it does, and here is how. The ableism, lack of knowledge and understanding around the issues and experiences that we face goes deep. It is right at the rotten core of our government and society. I faced it as a child and young adult at school (funnily enough not at college or University..... well at one very anti neurodivergent Uni which I did not pursue due to my hideous interview experience). I've witnessed it as a teacher myself and now lived and living it as a parent. Remember it doesn’t just affect the child it affects them as a child and into adult life. Lack of educational opportunity, an abundance of trauma and stress will all leave their mark on their developing nervous system, identity and outlook on life. This is sure to follow on into adulthood and into society….the very place that we all, including you inhabit. We are going into our 5th week of official Home Ed and its the best thing we could of done for our family. The council and school are saving money now we are out of the system (I and others can't help but think there is a correlation between driving children out of the system and saving money), and we as a family are even more out of pocket...... but I know that for us this is just the beginning and this journey of ours is not just about finding a way for our son to have an opportunity to learn and explore an education it is about making a stand. Saying 'NO MORE', it's a stand for wellbeing, for love and humanity. We will give what society won't, no justice has occurred here, but hopefully there will be time and space for healing. Because different isn't less it is life.

xx Colette xx

P.S massive thank you to the Home Ed community that have completely welcomed us into their world so whole heartedly, it has made such a difference. THANK YOU, you fabulous bunch.